In a startling about-face, the White House has dropped its opposition to any form of socialized medicine and is now advocating for a pilot program specifically aimed at musculoskeletal ailments.
The President was moved to change his mind after leaning about an epidemic of right shoulder pain affecting many of his supporters.
“Too many of our citizens are suffering from pain in the muscles of their right arm and shoulder and need help.”
Though Republicans have traditionally resisted any form of government healthcare in favor of employer-sponsored plans, this is no longer sufficient according to Trump.
“Oftentimes those afflicted are too busy with other commitments around the country to hold down a steady job, so the Government must provide.”
The free healthcare plans are also expected to cover foot blisters and tiki-torch burns.