Speaking on the Joe Rogan podcast, a loaf of Wonder Bread has insisted it won’t apologize for its lack of color despite what it claims is relentless pressure from the left to do so. Critics of the hueless loaf’s stance said it is far from being victimized and is instead simply acting out because other more wholesome grains are finally getting a look in.
“This entitled white loaf of bread is unhappy with having the share any shelf space with more interesting artisan concoctions.”
The loaf told Rogan it is ‘done’ with today’s woke culture which leaves it ‘constantly under attack’.
“They want me to apologize for just being me – a proud white loaf that doesn’t see the need for any other kind of bread to exist.”
Though Wonder Bread’s market share has declined slightly in recent years due to growing interest in other breads, advocates for curtailing its influence say there is nothing wrong or insidious with that.
“Just because people ate so much white bread in the past doesn’t mean it has the right to dominate all the other breads forever.”
Rogan says he sympathized with his guest, however, with whom he felt common cause as a ‘silenced’ podcaster who regularly mouths off to his legions of fans in a Spotify deal worth $100 million.
“Just like with me they are trying to cancel white bread, and I for one won’t stand for it.”